Oral Sex: A Sexual Excess, The Position of Christians.

This an emerging way of sex that has is controversial especially among Christians. Some of them approve of it while some of them condemn it. The ones who approve it intimate that it is not sinful if done with your wife. Others view this method as unclean. This method raises many moral questions; many people are interested in knowing the position of the bible on this issue.

The reasons for its increased popularity is because it is being used as a substitute by girls who want to avoid pregnancy and losing virginity, while men simply love the experience. Secondly, many authors are advocating for it, through the numerous books and articles published. Finally it seems to be the current sex fad.

There is a possibility that this mode of sex has been practiced for centuries in secrecy. The reason for the increased awareness may be attributed to increased freedom of expression, technological advancements that enable quick dissemination of information or simply the world is becoming more immoral day by day.

Twelve years ago when i was a teenager, i had never encountered the terms- Homosexual, lesbian,Oral sex, Masturbation. When i joined high school in the year 2000, that is when i started encountering those words. By then our country Kenya, was experiencing dramatic technological advances.

The first Radio stations running in FM frequency were set up, Increased number of TV stations  and longer  broadcasting hours started, Mobile phone technology was introduced in the country. These developments ushered the information age on the above matters. I became aware that some people are practicing the acts including members of my School secretly.

We are now in a moment in history where such acts are being Advocated for in public. Some few months back, Britain declared it will cut Aid to those African Countries that don’t support Gays, however there was a quick attempt to correct the issue after the country realized it going to damage their relations with The still conservative African Countries.

The position of the bible regarding sex is: those who are married should have sex regularly and enjoy the experience, while condemnation is pronounced on those who fornicate and commit adultery. With regard to homosexuals the position of the bible is clear that this is sin, it so grievous to God; societies that practice it separate themselves from him to their own destruction.

However the bible is silent on the issue of oral sex, in legally married couples. This does not mean that it is acceptable. We need to conduct an in-depth study of the bible so that we can arrive at a clear position on this issue; so that our consciences are fully clear on this matter. 

The mind is the greatest sex organ because the gonads receive messages from it-to act or not to act. When couples admit after adopting this particular sex style, after the enjoyment and ecstasy is over, deep inside they felt uncomfortable with it.many couples who have practiced oral sex, according to research indicate having guilt feelings. Some have even raised health concerns. For instance, Many medical researchers have commented and believe that oral sex has led to herpetic diseases, in some instances cervical cancer.

The purpose of this article is to examine if this style should be encouraged among Christians. Let us start from the Book of Genesis; the first book of the bible. Genesis chapter 1 is a summary of Gods work for the six days of creation. After completing this work, He looked at everything he had made, He declared “it is very good”.

31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Gen 1:31 (KJV)

This statement was made by God on the sixth day when man [That is Adam and Eve] had already been created. Their bodies were perfect and complete. The declaration is: it was very good. The man was created with a penis, while the woman a vagina; organs that would be used but not limited to in procreation and marital enjoyment. Adam was the first man to have the experience of sex. The Bible describes it as:

1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.

Gen 4:1 (KJV)

Other versions use the word lay; others indicate that Adam Knew his wife intimately. Other portions of the scripture introduce the aspect of Kissing and caressing. Kissing is of two types one between husband and wife, the other was among friends and close family members. Kissing is shown as a way of indicating that someone is being blessed. For the purpose of this article, a kiss is: One between husband and wife.

Genesis 26:8 introduces the aspect of caressing.

When Isaac had been there for some time, Abimelech king of the Philistines looked down from the window and was surprised to see Isaac caressing his wife Rebekah.

Gen 26:8 (HCSB)

Isaac was caressing the wife’s body since they were outside,  where the public could have seen them. It must have been during daytime, because after the incidence, Isaac is summoned by Abimelech and he declares to his subject that whosever who harms Isaac or his wife must die. This is the only instance where caressing is mentioned.

There is not a single verse that indicated Men of God practiced sexual excesses as currently advocated in the world. Sexual excesses will destroy love for devotional exercise on Godly matters. Once they are practiced, one is chained, stopping them becomes impossible. When they are indulged they become more violent will be their clamor for indulgence.

Oral sex is a form of caressing that is directed to the penis for a man or clitoris for a woman with the aim of foreplay or achieving orgasm.  The question is, can sexual fulfillment be achieved only through the conventional method, or must the mouth be involved? I believe the mouth need not be used to stimulate the sexual organs.

There are instances recorded in the bible when a man or woman was considered unclean due to body discharges. It is not the discharge that make someone unclean: but what is contained in them. The bible was way ahead of time by recognizing some body discharges may have diseases.

Touching such a person would make you unclean. How do we reconcile oral sex and the aforesaid phenomenon? These organs are also involved in the passage of urine, menstrual flow. there are definitely health implications in the practice.

Furthermore the practice Oral sex reduces men and women to animal like behavior. It should be shunned because there is no evidence of its practice and benefit in the bible. The intention of the participants is to gratify their passion at all cost in complete disregard to health and modesty.

One E.G White, in her book Adventist home wrote “Not one word should be spoken, not one action performed that you would not be willing the holy angels should look upon and register in the books above”… Anything which is different from this is debasing, degrading… and marriage cannot be holy  and honorable in the sight of a pure and Holy God.

  

Factors That Result to Success or Failure of Marriage.

In Kenya, we have 8 TV stations  and 3 pay TV channels. A closer look on their program content indicates that 60% of their airtime is dedicated to soap operas. The fact is, many people have an interest in issues that revolve around relationships and marriage. Unfortunately, this programs depict scenes of deception to deception that may happen in a relationship or marriage; which create a mentality among viewers that being married is dreadful, tough, boring or you can divorce on trivial reasons.

These scenes, display the reality of life and at other times exaggerate what happens in. The impression created has become so harmful to the society. Marriage is now being regarded as a contract that can be terminated when the parties involved agree to do so or after adjudication by the courts or some people decide just to walk out.

These programs do not seek to educate the public on the foundations of true marriage, qualities to look for in a partner, importance of trusting in God, financial management in families which are very vital for a relationship to succeed. Entertainment is the principle objective of the authors of the soap operas. The most entertaining show takes all the money.

The teachings of the bible are very clear; marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, God being the chief witness. The word covenant has been used interchangeably with the word contract to signify agreement between parties, but according to the bible, a covenant is an agreement between God and man that cannot be broken- forever and ever.

Divorce was allowed only on the basis of marital infidelity, because of our  lack of faith! but the original intention of marriage was that it lasts as long as both man and woman are alive. The fad in modern marriages is people divorcing because of irreconcilable differences which has no scriptural basis. 

The purpose of this article is to examine the reasons that may lead to success or failure of a marriage.

Hasty immature marriages

Young men and women are entering the marriage covenant when they have not attained physical or mental maturity or both. This takes the form of cohabiting secretly without parental knowledge; when teenagers have just left high school  join college. Others cohabit much earlier when they have just completed primary school.

It may also take the form of a girl eloping from home to join a much older man or both boy and girl elope from home. These youngsters feel that the parents will not approve the relationship or the parents may have already condemned the relationship. Such marriages when subjected to the test of time, they fail or a plagued with uncountable problems.

In some cultures in Africa, a girl is married off when she is entering early teenage-hood to a man who most of the times was 20-30 years older than her; a factor that has contributed to perpetual ignorance, suffering and poverty among the parties involved with the woman suffering the most.

Such girls when married at such a tender age, they lose their individuality, they are subject to the whims of the husband and her opinion was not to be seen or heard furthermore she is not wanted by her parents or relatives. This is simply marital slavery, a bondage so cankerous and close to impossible to break. I encourage women to get married when they are much older; upon attainment of at least 24 years.

When man or woman are young they are ignorant of the responsibilities of marital life. They are yet to acquire leadership skills, or resolve or experience to implement plans,or decisions that will prosper the family.  At times these young people are running away from a problematic parental marriage only to expose themselves to the same circumstances as their parents.

My advice to young people experiencing problems in their parents family is to have courage and take the step of faith. They should join a church that believes in the testimony of Jesus and keeps the ten commandments. Having faith in God will give them the firepower to overcome every challenge they face. They will commune with a community of believers who will encourage you to succeed.

The mind of such a person who starts this way will be opened and will be able to see life holistically; a sure foundation for success.

Compatibility

This is a major issue, for marital success, you need a suitable partner. In this busy world, individuals in courtship may not have sufficient time to become acquainted to each others dispositions and habits. After few months of marriage, they realize that their dispositions are so different and there is so much discord for them to succeed.

I am saddened by the fact that many young people are basing their partner choices on financial ability, body shape and physical attributes, fame or position in the society. This reasons are important; but they should not supersede Believe in God, love temperament, and culture in this order.

A young person must ask him/herself; do i agree with the believes of  my partner, do i love him/her and i loved back by him or her, am i comfortable with his temperament, do i love his/her culture and he loves mine too.

The other important thing to understand is the unity of thought and action. For a marriage to succeed, the aforesaid must exist. Many couples spend time in argument over mundane and trivial things that is often brought by differences is disposition, variance of likes and dislikes.

Finally, their religious believes must be in unison. Often, one partner is of a different religion or does not attend church at all. The unbelieving partner at times subjects the other to verbal or physical abuse, participates in drunkenness or disrespects the other party in the presence of the children in order to reduce his/her esteem.

1This problem can be solved when one makes a choice of marrying a believer. Where one is already in a relationship where a partner is an un-believer, (S)he should strive through the power of God to win the partner to Christ through good deeds and faith in Christ. such a partner needs to ask God to give him/her the grace not to be discouraged by the bitter words  of the partner.

Domestic training

Is you prospective partner a man? A man who is preparing to get married must be; loving, Faithful, hardworking, mature, of good health, responsible, of the right age, must have a history of treating his mother well must have be a Christian and have the means of supporting the family.

A woman seeking to be married must be; Loving, faithful, modest, healthy, of the right age, mature,industrious and have respect.

True Christianity

Above all a person who desires to be married must love God with all his heart, mind and soul. THrough his/her influence bring many souls to Christ who redeemed him/her from sin

Why do people marry/get married?

I used to ask myself this question when i was a young boy 20 years ago. During those days, when a child became curious to know where children came from; the answer was-from the hospital! No adult was willing to inform children that babies are born. Children came to discover things regarding sex and their bodies at times through bitter experiences. Many young girls in Africa and other parts of the world  are not informed about menstruation; on their first experience when it happens they are greatly shocked and humiliated or ridiculed when the blood flows and wets their clothes in school.

There is so much misinformation on marriage and sex despite the fact that we are living in the information age. Being from an African home where living with several relatives was something normal, i observed a lot of suffering from my unmarried aunts and uncles after their relationships with either their boyfriends or girlfriends turned sour or when they were being wooed by someone or wooing somebody.

I used to observe my aunts going to great lengths to use face powders to lighten the tan of their skin so as to gain an upper hand in attracting a potential male. Most African males prefer a light skinned woman- That was the essence of the face powders and skin lighteners; i came to learn!

One day, a boyfriend of my aunt visited her at home. He showed my aunt a condom in my presence with the assumption that i was too naive and young to understand what that was. Being that we lived in a slum, where the waste disposal was a  problem, i had a prior encounter with those ‘gadgets’ so my Aunt’s was wrong to assume i was naive.

Some few months later, that Aunt of mine was rushed to hospital after attempting to procure an abortion. Luckily she and the baby survived. Two months later, after the baby was born; he died- i suppose it was affected from the earlier attempt to terminate it since the boy was always sickly. That was my first encounter with death; my parents never allowed me to attend the funeral. My aunt later left home to live with boyfriend after the funeral…

How did you start your marriage? many girls and boys elope from home to start a marriage. The way we start a marriage determines our success. There are three pillars of any marriage identified in the bible that lead to happy marriage. one is leaving, the other is cleaving and the last one is becoming one flesh. When we get married we must leave home publicly- our parents, brothers and sisters, friends must know that we are now married.

Many people are getting married secretly and this results to guilt feelings that may affect their marriage. At times a partner has left home physically but is dependant so much on parental instructions that distract his or her concentration on his/her partner.

Once you leave home publicly either through a Christian wedding or traditional ceremony, you must cleave to each other. you are not your own,you belong to each other. You share everything and every relative must know your partner is closer to you than them. Becoming one flesh implies the physical intimacy (sex) must be present and all seek to fulfill their partners desire.

The objective of this article is to examine the reasons we marry and for parents to understand that a time will come for their children to  leave home to start families of their own. One author describes parents as “Hens that lay Ducks’ eggs. After the eggs hatch, the ducklings quickly grow up, they get into a lake, cross to the other side leaving hens chuckling on he opposite shore”

Many parents create stumbling blocks in their children's lives whose consequence is the marital failure of their sons or daughters marriages. As you read this article you will realize the feeling or desire to have a mate of the opposite sex is inherent in every human being- that simply how God created us!   

As a I never imagined that i would be in need of a girlfriend one day, not because i hated them-but by then i had no interest as all young boys are. After i got to teenage-hood there was an avalanche of feelings for girls. Most of the time this feelings took the lust perspective. Any time i looked at a lady i would fantasize how she would fulfill my desires.  Though i had a sexual urge that could only be satisfied by members of the opposite sex, being a father or husband was a far fetched dream.

This of course took a different dimension as i grew up and started looking at women and life from a holistic dimension. I have realized  that having that urge for companionship and sexual satisfaction is perfectly normal- in fact God created us that way. For a man or woman to have fulfillment in life, they need to be in a  fulfilling marriage relationship.

Many Men and Women get into marriage with this teenage mentality without realizing that marriage is more than sex. Being married also involves leadership and for one to get into this union you must have resolved to exercise leadership in all areas because being in a marriage you are already in a community.

Many people try to suppress these feelings to their own disadvantage. Having great wealth or a good job cannot take the place of a woman or a man in your life. When we read the story of creation in the Bible; the book of Genesis, Adam was in the most perfect Environment, full of creatures of every kind, clear rivers and lakes, a panoramic views of mountains and the surroundings, yet he felt empty without a mate.

18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Gen 2:18 (KJV)

When we carefully examine the above verse, we note that God acknowledged that a man should note be alone-he needs a companion with whom he can share the joy of being in such a perfect and beautiful garden of Eden. It was God’s purpose than man lives in a community where he could be able to share his love and joy. Let us examine verse 19 &20

19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and  brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

Gen 2:19-20 (KJV)

Adam was given an opportunity by God to name every animal and as they passed before him and God, among the animals- there was none that could have been a suitable helper for Adam. Many people today after suffering a heartbreaking relationship choose the company of animals like cats, dogs to reduce their loneliness. They fail to claim God’s blessing and ask him through prayer to provide a suitable companion.

We realize that; God is the one who created this urge/inherent desire for a mate of the opposite sex. He made it so strong that a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they would become one flesh. It is difficult for one to leave his family; a place of belonging, love and joy-but all this is left behind for the intimacy of the wife! 

The other reason for being married is to satisfy the sexual urge that is in us. God wanted man to enjoy sex when we are married; in fact, adulterers and fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of heaven but will be destroyed in the fires of hell. Adultery and fornication results in the bringing into the would children who do not enjoy the love of both their parents thus creating many socials problems.

We are urged by the word of God in the book of Corinthians' that being married will enable us to avoid fornication.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

1 Cor 7:2 (KJV)

This can be achieved when a husband and wife have a  satisfactory sex life. The bible forbids the use of sex in marriage as a weapon or a bargaining tool. Sex is a right for the husband or wife in the marriage relationship. This is supported in the book of  Corinthians which states;

“4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

1 Cor 7:4-5 (KJV)

Another reason of getting married is that marriage is a honorable institution when the couple are committed to each other.

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Heb 13:4 (KJV)

In many societies, people who were married and had stable families were held in high esteem. In-fact to be a president church elder, Member of parliament your marital life is securitized by members of the public and where there are negative issues, doubts on your ability emerge.

God respects and protects such marriage as narrated in the story below found in the bible in the book of Genesis:- 

“One day the pharaoh of Egypt saw a very beautiful woman. He sent his emissaries to enquire about her and bring her with them as his wife. This woman was the wife of Abraham-a Man of God through whom all nations were to be blessed. Abraham was afraid of the Egyptians who never had the fear of God in their hearts. He knew that his wife was very beautiful, and the Egyptians will attempt to forcefully take her from him and they will not hesitate even to kill him. So they agreed together with his wife that whenever anyone asked about her, he would say that she was his sister. It so happened that the one who had an interest  in his wife was the king himself. He was used in having is was so he gave Abraham many gifts in exchange for his wife. But the Lord visited Pharaohs household with many pestilences because of Sarah. That is when the King realized that was Abraham’s wife and returned her to him.” 

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matt 19:6 (KJV)

In conclusion, let us carefully examine how we start a marriage and whom we are getting married to. Is he or she the suitable partner? According to the bible once someone enters into this union, only death is to separate them. This is because marriage is a covenant where God is the witness.