I used to ask myself this question when i was a young boy 20 years ago. During those days, when a child became curious to know where children came from; the answer was-from the hospital! No adult was willing to inform children that babies are born. Children came to discover things regarding sex and their bodies at times through bitter experiences. Many young girls in Africa and other parts of the world are not informed about menstruation; on their first experience when it happens they are greatly shocked and humiliated or ridiculed when the blood flows and wets their clothes in school.
There is so much misinformation on marriage and sex despite the fact that we are living in the information age. Being from an African home where living with several relatives was something normal, i observed a lot of suffering from my unmarried aunts and uncles after their relationships with either their boyfriends or girlfriends turned sour or when they were being wooed by someone or wooing somebody.
I used to observe my aunts going to great lengths to use face powders to lighten the tan of their skin so as to gain an upper hand in attracting a potential male. Most African males prefer a light skinned woman- That was the essence of the face powders and skin lighteners; i came to learn!
One day, a boyfriend of my aunt visited her at home. He showed my aunt a condom in my presence with the assumption that i was too naive and young to understand what that was. Being that we lived in a slum, where the waste disposal was a problem, i had a prior encounter with those ‘gadgets’ so my Aunt’s was wrong to assume i was naive.
Some few months later, that Aunt of mine was rushed to hospital after attempting to procure an abortion. Luckily she and the baby survived. Two months later, after the baby was born; he died- i suppose it was affected from the earlier attempt to terminate it since the boy was always sickly. That was my first encounter with death; my parents never allowed me to attend the funeral. My aunt later left home to live with boyfriend after the funeral…
How did you start your marriage? many girls and boys elope from home to start a marriage. The way we start a marriage determines our success. There are three pillars of any marriage identified in the bible that lead to happy marriage. one is leaving, the other is cleaving and the last one is becoming one flesh. When we get married we must leave home publicly- our parents, brothers and sisters, friends must know that we are now married.
Many people are getting married secretly and this results to guilt feelings that may affect their marriage. At times a partner has left home physically but is dependant so much on parental instructions that distract his or her concentration on his/her partner.
Once you leave home publicly either through a Christian wedding or traditional ceremony, you must cleave to each other. you are not your own,you belong to each other. You share everything and every relative must know your partner is closer to you than them. Becoming one flesh implies the physical intimacy (sex) must be present and all seek to fulfill their partners desire.
The objective of this article is to examine the reasons we marry and for parents to understand that a time will come for their children to leave home to start families of their own. One author describes parents as “Hens that lay Ducks’ eggs. After the eggs hatch, the ducklings quickly grow up, they get into a lake, cross to the other side leaving hens chuckling on he opposite shore”
Many parents create stumbling blocks in their children's lives whose consequence is the marital failure of their sons or daughters marriages. As you read this article you will realize the feeling or desire to have a mate of the opposite sex is inherent in every human being- that simply how God created us!
As a I never imagined that i would be in need of a girlfriend one day, not because i hated them-but by then i had no interest as all young boys are. After i got to teenage-hood there was an avalanche of feelings for girls. Most of the time this feelings took the lust perspective. Any time i looked at a lady i would fantasize how she would fulfill my desires. Though i had a sexual urge that could only be satisfied by members of the opposite sex, being a father or husband was a far fetched dream.
This of course took a different dimension as i grew up and started looking at women and life from a holistic dimension. I have realized that having that urge for companionship and sexual satisfaction is perfectly normal- in fact God created us that way. For a man or woman to have fulfillment in life, they need to be in a fulfilling marriage relationship.
Many Men and Women get into marriage with this teenage mentality without realizing that marriage is more than sex. Being married also involves leadership and for one to get into this union you must have resolved to exercise leadership in all areas because being in a marriage you are already in a community.
Many people try to suppress these feelings to their own disadvantage. Having great wealth or a good job cannot take the place of a woman or a man in your life. When we read the story of creation in the Bible; the book of Genesis, Adam was in the most perfect Environment, full of creatures of every kind, clear rivers and lakes, a panoramic views of mountains and the surroundings, yet he felt empty without a mate.
18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Gen 2:18 (KJV)
When we carefully examine the above verse, we note that God acknowledged that a man should note be alone-he needs a companion with whom he can share the joy of being in such a perfect and beautiful garden of Eden. It was God’s purpose than man lives in a community where he could be able to share his love and joy. Let us examine verse 19 &20
19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
Gen 2:19-20 (KJV)
Adam was given an opportunity by God to name every animal and as they passed before him and God, among the animals- there was none that could have been a suitable helper for Adam. Many people today after suffering a heartbreaking relationship choose the company of animals like cats, dogs to reduce their loneliness. They fail to claim God’s blessing and ask him through prayer to provide a suitable companion.
We realize that; God is the one who created this urge/inherent desire for a mate of the opposite sex. He made it so strong that a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they would become one flesh. It is difficult for one to leave his family; a place of belonging, love and joy-but all this is left behind for the intimacy of the wife!
The other reason for being married is to satisfy the sexual urge that is in us. God wanted man to enjoy sex when we are married; in fact, adulterers and fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of heaven but will be destroyed in the fires of hell. Adultery and fornication results in the bringing into the would children who do not enjoy the love of both their parents thus creating many socials problems.
We are urged by the word of God in the book of Corinthians' that being married will enable us to avoid fornication.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Cor 7:2 (KJV)
This can be achieved when a husband and wife have a satisfactory sex life. The bible forbids the use of sex in marriage as a weapon or a bargaining tool. Sex is a right for the husband or wife in the marriage relationship. This is supported in the book of Corinthians which states;
“4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
1 Cor 7:4-5 (KJV)
Another reason of getting married is that marriage is a honorable institution when the couple are committed to each other.
Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Heb 13:4 (KJV)
In many societies, people who were married and had stable families were held in high esteem. In-fact to be a president church elder, Member of parliament your marital life is securitized by members of the public and where there are negative issues, doubts on your ability emerge.
God respects and protects such marriage as narrated in the story below found in the bible in the book of Genesis:-
“One day the pharaoh of Egypt saw a very beautiful woman. He sent his emissaries to enquire about her and bring her with them as his wife. This woman was the wife of Abraham-a Man of God through whom all nations were to be blessed. Abraham was afraid of the Egyptians who never had the fear of God in their hearts. He knew that his wife was very beautiful, and the Egyptians will attempt to forcefully take her from him and they will not hesitate even to kill him. So they agreed together with his wife that whenever anyone asked about her, he would say that she was his sister. It so happened that the one who had an interest in his wife was the king himself. He was used in having is was so he gave Abraham many gifts in exchange for his wife. But the Lord visited Pharaohs household with many pestilences because of Sarah. That is when the King realized that was Abraham’s wife and returned her to him.”
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Matt 19:6 (KJV)
In conclusion, let us carefully examine how we start a marriage and whom we are getting married to. Is he or she the suitable partner? According to the bible once someone enters into this union, only death is to separate them. This is because marriage is a covenant where God is the witness.
