In Kenya, we have 8 TV stations and 3 pay TV channels. A closer look on their program content indicates that 60% of their airtime is dedicated to soap operas. The fact is, many people have an interest in issues that revolve around relationships and marriage. Unfortunately, this programs depict scenes of deception to deception that may happen in a relationship or marriage; which create a mentality among viewers that being married is dreadful, tough, boring or you can divorce on trivial reasons.
These scenes, display the reality of life and at other times exaggerate what happens in. The impression created has become so harmful to the society. Marriage is now being regarded as a contract that can be terminated when the parties involved agree to do so or after adjudication by the courts or some people decide just to walk out.
These programs do not seek to educate the public on the foundations of true marriage, qualities to look for in a partner, importance of trusting in God, financial management in families which are very vital for a relationship to succeed. Entertainment is the principle objective of the authors of the soap operas. The most entertaining show takes all the money.
The teachings of the bible are very clear; marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, God being the chief witness. The word covenant has been used interchangeably with the word contract to signify agreement between parties, but according to the bible, a covenant is an agreement between God and man that cannot be broken- forever and ever.
Divorce was allowed only on the basis of marital infidelity, because of our lack of faith! but the original intention of marriage was that it lasts as long as both man and woman are alive. The fad in modern marriages is people divorcing because of irreconcilable differences which has no scriptural basis.
The purpose of this article is to examine the reasons that may lead to success or failure of a marriage.
Hasty immature marriages
Young men and women are entering the marriage covenant when they have not attained physical or mental maturity or both. This takes the form of cohabiting secretly without parental knowledge; when teenagers have just left high school join college. Others cohabit much earlier when they have just completed primary school.
It may also take the form of a girl eloping from home to join a much older man or both boy and girl elope from home. These youngsters feel that the parents will not approve the relationship or the parents may have already condemned the relationship. Such marriages when subjected to the test of time, they fail or a plagued with uncountable problems.
In some cultures in Africa, a girl is married off when she is entering early teenage-hood to a man who most of the times was 20-30 years older than her; a factor that has contributed to perpetual ignorance, suffering and poverty among the parties involved with the woman suffering the most.
Such girls when married at such a tender age, they lose their individuality, they are subject to the whims of the husband and her opinion was not to be seen or heard furthermore she is not wanted by her parents or relatives. This is simply marital slavery, a bondage so cankerous and close to impossible to break. I encourage women to get married when they are much older; upon attainment of at least 24 years.
When man or woman are young they are ignorant of the responsibilities of marital life. They are yet to acquire leadership skills, or resolve or experience to implement plans,or decisions that will prosper the family. At times these young people are running away from a problematic parental marriage only to expose themselves to the same circumstances as their parents.
My advice to young people experiencing problems in their parents family is to have courage and take the step of faith. They should join a church that believes in the testimony of Jesus and keeps the ten commandments. Having faith in God will give them the firepower to overcome every challenge they face. They will commune with a community of believers who will encourage you to succeed.
The mind of such a person who starts this way will be opened and will be able to see life holistically; a sure foundation for success.
Compatibility
This is a major issue, for marital success, you need a suitable partner. In this busy world, individuals in courtship may not have sufficient time to become acquainted to each others dispositions and habits. After few months of marriage, they realize that their dispositions are so different and there is so much discord for them to succeed.
I am saddened by the fact that many young people are basing their partner choices on financial ability, body shape and physical attributes, fame or position in the society. This reasons are important; but they should not supersede Believe in God, love temperament, and culture in this order.
A young person must ask him/herself; do i agree with the believes of my partner, do i love him/her and i loved back by him or her, am i comfortable with his temperament, do i love his/her culture and he loves mine too.
The other important thing to understand is the unity of thought and action. For a marriage to succeed, the aforesaid must exist. Many couples spend time in argument over mundane and trivial things that is often brought by differences is disposition, variance of likes and dislikes.
Finally, their religious believes must be in unison. Often, one partner is of a different religion or does not attend church at all. The unbelieving partner at times subjects the other to verbal or physical abuse, participates in drunkenness or disrespects the other party in the presence of the children in order to reduce his/her esteem.
1This problem can be solved when one makes a choice of marrying a believer. Where one is already in a relationship where a partner is an un-believer, (S)he should strive through the power of God to win the partner to Christ through good deeds and faith in Christ. such a partner needs to ask God to give him/her the grace not to be discouraged by the bitter words of the partner.
Domestic training
Is you prospective partner a man? A man who is preparing to get married must be; loving, Faithful, hardworking, mature, of good health, responsible, of the right age, must have a history of treating his mother well must have be a Christian and have the means of supporting the family.
A woman seeking to be married must be; Loving, faithful, modest, healthy, of the right age, mature,industrious and have respect.
True Christianity
Above all a person who desires to be married must love God with all his heart, mind and soul. THrough his/her influence bring many souls to Christ who redeemed him/her from sin
